


Dissociative Revelations

by EideticPrettyBoySpence



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:28:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25140025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EideticPrettyBoySpence/pseuds/EideticPrettyBoySpence
Summary: the events in this story comes from 2x14-15 except for a scene that comes from 4x08 that I'm pretending happened years earlier simply because I can
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Original Female Character(s)





	Dissociative Revelations

My name is Nyssa Johnson, I'm a tech analyst with the BAU. I was recruited right out of the Academy because of my hacking skills. I'm not quite as good as Penelope, but I'm still pretty good regardless. I was hired to assist her a year after Hotch offered her the job. My first day after I fill out my paperwork he introduces me to the team. I already knew most of them by reputation, some of them by sight. I still vividly remember the day that Dr. Spencer Reid and SSA David Rossi came to teach a seminar at the Academy. That was the day that I knew the BAU was where I had to be, and the day my crush on Spencer began.

-two months ago-

I was attending a seminar on the BAU as a requirement of my graduation. You have to attend a minimum of five seminars during the twenty-week program. You were allowed to pick any range of seminars as long as you meet the required number. Since I knew I wanted to be part of the BAU this seminar was a logical fit. I sat down next to my best friend Kaiyah just as the younger agent started speaking. I was instantly smitten by him, and as I listened to him speak I realized he was probably the most intelligent person I would ever meet.

"Most of us have done extensive post-graduate work in areas such as abnormal psychology and sociology," Spencer says. "As well as intensive study of relative case work and existing literature."

"But that's after selection to the unit. First, you have to be an agent, work in the field, and that's what we're here to talk about," Agent Rossi interrupts. "For that, the academics are wide open. Everyone in this room, once you graduate, is eligible to apply to the FBI."

"What did you study?"

"Criminal justice. But sports appreciation was all full up at my community college."

"I hold doctorates in chemistry, mathematics, and engineering. As well as BAs in psychology and sociology."

"How old are you?"

"Um, I'm twenty-seven. As of last month, I turned twenty-seven. I'm also completing an additional BA in philosophy. Which reminds me that I have a joke. How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

"Don't," Agent Rossi whispers.

"Two. One to change the light bulb and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness. Um, an existentialist would-"

"Okay, before he does his quantum physics knock-knock joke- do we have any other questions about opportunities at the FBI?"

Someone asks if they have ever shot anybody, which they both have had to do. After the lecture, I wait in line to try and talk to Spencer. I don't know if I'll be able to or if my shyness around a cute guy would get in the way as usual. I follow them out and overhear Agent Rossi speaking to Spencer.

"You do know we want them to actually join the Bureau? We want these kids to think it's a cool place to work."

"I understand that, yeah. Existentialism is- hi. That was a funny joke. What do you mean?"

"Yeah to Sigmund Freud."

"I tell them I shouldn't- they keep on sending me here. I don't know why."

"Because you're young."

"Dr Reid? Wouldn't they sit in the dark and hope that the bulb decided to light again?" A man speaks to Spencer just as I had gathered the courage to do the same. "An existentialist would never change the bulb. He would allow the darkness to exist."

"Yeah, that's pretty good," are the last words I hear him speak that day.

-present day-

"Agent Johnson?" Hotch's voice cuts through my daydream.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I was just thinking. What were you saying?"

"I was just making introductions. And please, everyone calls me Hotch."

"Okay, Hotch it is then. Well, I'm Nyssa. I just graduated from the academy last month. I have a bachelor's degree in psychology and I'm working on my bachelor's degree in forensic science right now. I've been working toward this my entire life. I even took extra courses in high school so I could graduate early. Being in the BAU is all I've ever wanted to do. But what really cemented it was when Agent Rossi and Dr. Reid came to my college a few months ago."

"Oh yeah, I remember," Spencer replies. "Left side, third row, fifth seat."

"Um... yeah I think so? I don't remember exactly."

"You were wearing a cheetah print dress. Leather jacket, pink Doc Martens," he gave a small shrug. "I remember because I have an eidetic memory. I don't forget things or people."

"Oh okay, that makes sense."

Luckily the team doesn't have a case so Hotch lets us all go home early. As I'm leaving, Penelope invites me to go drinking with the team. I readily agree so I don't go home and drink alone. Not to mention the fact that Spencer will be there. I invite the bubbly blonde over to help me get ready. In the end, I had inadvertently chosen the same outfit Spencer had first seen me in. When Penelope and I pull up to the bar and walk inside, we spot Spencer, Emily, and Hotch sitting at a table. Derek is dancing with not one but two women, and JJ is playing darts with two men. The Super Bowl is on every tv. Before we join the rest of the team Penelope and I order drinks. I pull up a chair and sit next to Spencer, catching his eye and smiling without interrupting his conversation. The woman I don't recognize introduces herself as Haley Hotchner. Then she turns to Emily and speaks to her.

"So how are they treating you at the BAU, Emily?"

"She means am I being nice to you," Hotch interjects.

"Actually, everyone has been incredibly nice."

"Just look at him move," Penelope is looking at Derek. "It's like a cat."

"More like a dog!"

"He did not ask them to dance. They asked him."

"Okay, he's a cat."

"An alley cat," Haley says.

"Come on, Haley, let's go show them how it's done."

"I'm game if you are."

"Awe, that is so sweet!" Emily says.

"I'm going to the loo," Penelope gets up. "Do not let anyone steal my seat."

"I'll guard it with my life."

"Ask me any question," Spencer is speaking to two people I don't know.

"Return to Tomorrow," the man says.

"Return to Tomorrow, season two, production number fifty-one, an alien entity, Sargon, takes over Kirk's body while two others take over Spock and Dr. Mulhall's."

"Alien races appearing?"

"Trick question. A race is never identified. Sargon is a disembodied mind."

"And the Dr. McCoy quote?"

"I will not peddle flesh, I'm a physician. Drink!"

Knowing that Spencer is a Star Trek fan is just another thing that makes me fall for him. I turn my chair and join them in their conversation after introducing myself to the other two agents. While we're playing, JJ walks by our table speaking on the phone. She ruffles Spencer's hair on her way outside to take her call. I'm not sure who is on the other line but I'm about to find out. We're only able to squeeze in a few more rounds before she comes back inside and tells us we have a case. I text Penny and tell her I'll wait for her to come out of the bathroom, but she tells me to go ahead without her. She suggests I ask Spencer for a ride, and I roll my eyes. But then Spencer offers to drive me anyway. So I end up in the passenger seat of his Prius. He turns on the radio and the car is filled with the sound of Beethoven. 

We all arrive almost at the same time and ride up in the elevator together. When I walk into the briefing room, Derek is complaining about having to be back at work so soon after leaving. He didn't even have a chance to get their numbers.

"You know, it never fails. Just as I'm getting my groove thing going, bam, we're back at the BAU."

"You know, statistically a case doesn't come in with any more frequency if you're at a party or gathering than if you aren't. It's a trick of the mind, we merely remember the ones that come in that way more."

"Besides, is it really that hard for you to get your groove 'thang' going again?" Emily asks.

"Only when he's sleeping," Gideon says, coming into the room.

"Where were you tonight?" Hotch asks him.

"I told you, I went to the Smithsonian."

"You missed a good time," Emily tells him.

"I had a good time."

"Well that's definitely over," JJ says, coming in and going straight to the tv. "Georgia. The Kyles, Dennis, and Lacy were murdered an hour ago in their suburban Atlanta home."

"An hour ago?"

"Police were on scene unusually fast. One of the unsubs called them and told them that the other was about to murder the victims. From inside the house. According to the dispatcher, the first male sounded terrified and begged them to get there because the other, who they both identified as Raphael, was about to kill the sinners that lived there. The 911 center is gonna send Garcia a copy of the tape."  
?  
"How fast was the police response time?" Spencer asks.

"Four minutes, twenty-six seconds. During which time..." she pulls up the next photo. "Raphael managed to do this. Mr. Kyle is a dot com millionaire. His company is one of the largest employers in the community. There will be media coverage. Also, when they arrived, the police found this displayed prominently on the bed," she pulls up another photo, this one of a Bible page with a verse highlighted.

"Revelations chapter six, verse eight," Hotch says.

"They're killing sinners," Derek says. "They're killing sinners."

"And mission-based killers will not stop killing," Spencer adds.

"And I looked in behold a pale horse," Hotch reads. "And his name that sat upon him was Death."

"And hell followed with him," Gideon finishes.

I hug the team goodbye quickly, giving Spencer a quick side hug. If I would have known what was going to happen in a few days from now I would have held him tighter and longer. Because that was the last time I saw him that week, and I could have lost him forever. He could have been killed before we even had a chance. Before I could explore whether or not these feelings were one-sided.

Penelope and I walk to the tech room and get set up, and Derek video chats us no more than twenty minutes later. Which was eerily perfect timing- the 911 call transcript had just come in less than a minute before.

"Pets, I just got the 911 call from the Georgia state police."

A woman's voice is heard after she presses a few keys. "911, what's your emergency?" 

"I'm at 1527 Chestnut drive," a male whisper answers.

"I know where you're calling from, sir. What's your emergency?"

"He thinks they're too greedy. They have too much."

"Too much what?"

"Stuff, you know, possessions. Things they don't need. Hurry!"

"You're calling because these people have too much stuff, sir?"

"No, I'm calling because-" we hear a clattering, and then another voice.

"He's calling because Raphael is going to murder the sinners that live here."

"I'm sorry, did you say somebody is killing someone?"

"Well unsub one definitely sounds frightened," Emily says. "Maybe he's doing this against his will.

"I doubt it... he whispered."

"He could have called out to save them instead of calling 911," Hotch says.

"Not if he had a gun to his head," Derek replies.

"If he had a gun to his head, why would he have called 911?"

"The second unsub said Raphael was gonna kill someone. Is there a third?"

"Referring to oneself in the third person is not uncommon for an unsub," Spencer answers her. "Ted Bundy gave thoroughly detailed accounts of his murders, but he never actually admitted to doing it. He would just say 'the killer'."

"Okay, so I'm gonna go ahead and run the name 'Raphael' through the Georgia criminal databases as well as our own."

"Thanks, Garcia," Hotch says.

"Ever so welcome, my liege."

We both leave the searches running in the background on our computers. There isn't much to do so I pull my book out of my purse. I'm reading when I hear Garcia's computer give the email notification. I glance up from my book to see a video of a bedroom. I don't think much of it until I take a closer look and see the Kyles. I mark my page and slip my headset on as Penelope dials Derek's number.

"Yeah, talk to me, baby girl," his voice comes over the line.

"Are you at the crime scene?"

"Yep."

"Is there like a- a burgundy settee against one wall?"

"Um, if a settee is a little couch."

"Oh my lord."

"What? What's wrong?"

"I just got a viral video emailed to me by a friend."

"A viral what?" I have to chuckle at his confusion.

"It's a video that someone posted online that someone thinks is novel in some way, and so they send it to everyone on their email lists, and so on, and so on. This one seems to be pretty popular judging by the string of names on the forward."

"Garcia, is there some point to all of this?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's a video of your crime scene," I cut in. "More specifically of your crime, most specifically of Mr. Kyle being murdered."

"Are you two telling me there's a video of this murder posted on the internet?"

"Yeah, shot from directly across the room from the... little couch."

Derek hangs up on us, and I go back to my book. Until Hotch calls us from the police station. Then we watch the whole thing from the beginning again. With everyone else on the line this time. I try not to pay attention once the murder starts though. "... He says the world is a cesspool. Of greed. Lust. Disease." "That sounds like unsub number one," Emily says. "He says redemption must be sought. We must all repent." "And he referred to being Raphael?" Hotch asks. "Or God," Gideon says. "It's not God. It's someone sitting right there next to him telling this guy what to say." "As Lord God spoke in Leviticus 26:18--" a new voice speaks. "And if you will not yet for all this--" "That's a new voice," Derek says. "A third unsub?" Emily asks. "...I will punish ye seven times more for your sins." "Could just be recorded from a religious program or sermon." "Punish ye seven times," JJ says. "Five more victims," Gideon says. "These images were shot from the exact spot on the dresser where that computer sat," Derek points out. "So if this video came from that computer's camera, then what?" Hotch asks. "Did the unsubs bring it with them?" "As far as I can tell, this computer belonged to the Kyles," Spencer says. "Garcia can do a better analysis, but it has their banking statements, vacation photos." "One comes into the room and immediately goes after Mr. Kyle. What, did the other unsub turn the camera on?" "We may be asking the wrong questions. This video, this message, it's important," Gideon observes. "Clearly, they want the world to see this. They need it. But they didn't bring a camera with them."

"Agent Franks? Does this building have wireless internet?" Spencer whispers.

"Yeah. Why?"

"That camera's on right now. The computer's connected itself to the internet. It's streaming a video feed somewhere."

"Can we trace this stream to the destination?" Hotch asks.

"Keep it open, Garcia might be able to... it turned off."

"So they're controlling it remotely?"

"Is that even possible?" Emily says.

"Yeah, you can totally access someone's computer remotely," Garcia answers her question. "It's actually done a lot today. When a mortal instead of like giving you instructions, the tech can work on your computer from wherever she is."

"And they maintain the access even after the work is done?" Hotch asks.

"They're not supposed to, but I suppose you could install a trojan horse during a service," I speak up to answer him.

"Something left in the computer to be turned on later. It's the same way that web sites get pop-up adds onto your computer."

"Garcia, can you or Nyssa check the Kyles' phone records and see if they called for tech support in the last six months?"

"Right-O. Oh, if you get us the Kyles' laptop, Nyssa can search the drive for anything implanted there. By the way, this video. It's gone crazy viral."

"What does that mean?" Gideon asks.

"That means it's the most downloaded video on the entire internet worldwide," I answer his question myself. "And judging by the responses embedded in the files, people seem to think it's pretty cool."

"Call us if you find anything on the Kyles' computer," Hotch says.

Penelope hangs up and then there's nothing for us to do but wait for the computer. Before we can do that, Derek calls again from a second crime scene, and Garcia starts trying to trace that laptop to its source. While I'm trying to figure out if there's a trojan horse installed on the Kyles' computer, and analyzing the first 911 call to test Gideon's theory that there's only one unsub suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder, a second video gets emailed to me by my brother. Trying to get a hold of the team doesn't work, so their phones must have a poor cell signal. Finally, Garcia dials Georgia PD instead, hoping at least one person from the team is there. An officer answers the phone and puts it on speaker, and Hotch speaks a moment later.

"Geez, don't you people answer your cell phones anymore?"

"We were driving back from Atlanta through the countryside. Spotty cell signal."

"If you think that first video went viral fast, the second one's going through the stratosphere."

"Second video?"

"Yeah, there's a new video from our psycho," I answer him. "I'm downloading it myself right now. Some of these upload sites get more than a million hits a day."

"Get it on the monitor here as soon as you can."

A few minutes later the video is downloaded, and I pull it up on the computer at the station. Penelope plays it and we see a woman in lingerie on a mattress, tied up with her arms spread out to her sides. We can hear the barking of dogs and then a man's voice.

"Which he spake by his servant, Elijah the Tishbite, saying, in the portion of Jezreel shall dogs eat the flesh of Jezebel."

I can't watch the new video, just listening to it is bad enough. Penny is freaking out as she watches, then we hear Gideon and Emily.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Oh my god, no, no!"

"Jezebel's death."

"My god."

"You can turn it off," Derek says.

"Oh, wait," an unknown voice says.

"You hadn't seen enough?"

"Those dogs. Those three dogs attacked someone a couple of months ago. I would have had them impounded, but the victim knew the owner. A neighbor. He didn't want to press charges."

"Are you sure?" Gideon asks.

"As God is my witness. Three mangy mixes. I knew those dogs looked sick. I put in a call to animal control. I don't know if they ever followed up on it. Oh, here it is."

"You have the owner's name?"

"Hankle. Tobias Hankle."

Twenty minutes later Hotch calls and tells us that Tobias Hankle had kidnapped Reid. He had booked two tickets to Georgia. He picked us up from the airport and drove us out to the unsub's house in rural Georgia. We get out of the SUV and look at the farmhouse.

"You know they do have hotels in Georgia," Garcia says.

"If we're going to figure out where Tobias Hankle has taken Reid, the answer is in this house," Hotch answers her. "There's no sense splitting time between here and a field office."

"Right." I feel a huge pit in my stomach at his words.

"Think of the house as a witness. If it could talk, what would it tell us?"

"My guess is it would tell us to get the hell out," Garcia says.

We walk into the house and see the whole team in what I assume is the kitchen. There's a pile of notebooks on the table, and JJ looks up from one as we enter the house. She still has a look of shock in her eyes.

"His computer is an extension of his brain. I need you two to dissect it."

"I'll get you two set up, come on."

Derek leads us to the living room, and I wrap my arms tight around him. It's all I can do to fight back tears and focus on the task at hand. We sit down at his bank of monitors and Garcia looks at Derek.

"Okay. Right out of the gate, the guy's self-taught. His mainframe is totally idiosyncratic. But it's pretty brilliant."

"Talk to me about what this son of a bitch watches online. What the hell is all this?"

"It's tame stuff-- video games, software, sports," Garcia answers his question as she types. "Seriously, if I had to guess whose system this belongs to, I would say a crazy smart high school kid."

"Garcia, that doesn't make any sense."

"Well, that's what I've got. I don't know what to tell you."

"A mission-based killer like Hankle would need constant reassurance-- religious manifesto, violent images, something."

"Nothing, baby, nothing."

"What about the mpegs of the murders he posted online? Does he sit and watch those over and over?"

"Okay that's weird," I notice something.

"What, talk to me."

"They're not even here. All we've got is a website he set up once he commandeered people's webcams, and he keeps a running clock, at a certain point, each one is bookmarked with a different heading."

"Adulterer, liar, thief. This guy sits here for days and just watches these people, and he waits for them to commit a sin."

"But Spencer's completely innocent!!"

"But if you dig deep enough on any of us, we all have our sins, including Reid."

We continue digging through Hankle's computer, trying to find anything that will tell us where he took Spencer. I feel tears running silently down my face but I don't brush them away. I just let them fall as I try and do anything I can. If I lost him before I even had a chance to explore whether or not my crush is one-sided, I would never be able to forgive myself. Whether or not it's my fault.

"This isn't your fault, Nyssa. We'll find him, I promise. If anyone can find him, it's us. We make a great team."

"Penelope, what if we don't find him? What if he dies, and I never got to say goodbye? We never really even had a chance. I never got to figure out whether this crush is one-sided or not. Whether we ever had a chance to be more than friends."

"Garcia, shrimp, I need you two to log into the system as Tobias' father," Morgan comes into the room about fifteen minutes after he left. 

"The system was set up three months ago," Garcia replied. "Tobias' dad was already dead."

"I know that, smartypants, but do it for your boy anyway, all right?"

"Okay."

"Charles Hankle."

Garcia types the name into the computer and suddenly, it's not a teenager's system anymore. There's videos of disasters on every screen. Fires, an atomic bomb explosion, a riot. We're working When all of a sudden the screens go completely blank.

"What happened?" Derek asks.

"I don't know," Penelope says. "Oh my god."

A video feed pops up on every monitor, and my blood freezes in my veins. Spencer is sitting in a dimly lit room, tied to a chair. He's got blood on his temple, so Tobias must have knocked him out to get him there. I have to swallow down vomit as I watch.

"Spencer..."

"Guys! Guys! Get in here!" Derek yells toward the kitchen.

"He's been beaten. Can't you track him?"

"I'm trying!" I swallow, my voice choked with tears. "I can't get a lock on him!"

"Hankle's only streaming this to his home computer," Garcia adds slowly.

"This is for us," Gideon points out. "He knows we're here."

"I'm gonna put this guy's head on a stick," I bite out, finally scrubbing the tears off my face. Even though I'm still crying and it's a moot point to do so. "I'm going to make sure his death is slow and painful."

"Why can't you track him?"

"He's rerouting to a different IP address every thirty seconds. I can't track him."

"Can you really see inside these men's minds?" Hankel's voice fills me with rage. "See these vermin? Choose one to die. I'll let you choose one to live."

"No," Spencer's voice comes out softly.

"I thought you wanted to be some kind of savior."

"You're a sadist and a psychotic break. You won't stop killing. Your word's not true."

"The other heathens are watching. Choose a sinner to die, and I'll say the name and address of the person to be saved."

"I won't choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher."

"Can you really see inside my mind, boy? Can you see I'm not a liar? Choose one to die, and save a life. Otherwise, they're all dead."

"All right, I'll choose who lives."

"They're all the same."

"Far right screen," Spencer says softly.

"Marilyn David, 4913 Walnut Creek Road."

I run the address through the system and get the woman's number. Gideon takes out his phone and dials.

"Hello?" Marilyn answers.

"Marilyn David?"

"Yes?"

"My name is Jason Gideon. I'm with the FBI."

"What?"

Gideon explains what's happening, and one of the feeds goes dark. Minutes later so does Spencer's. It's an agonizing wait until finally Tobias calls 911 and tells them that Raphael has killed the people at 3514 Leavenworth before their lies can free more sinners. I know that Spencer is going to blame himself for this for probably the rest of his life, and my heart breaks for the honey eyed man. Jason and Hotch head to the crime scene, and the rest of us stay behind at Tobias' house.

"Reid, if you're watching, you're not responsible for this. You understand me? He's perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He cannot break you," Gideon appears in the crime scene's webcam and speaks directly to Spencer in the hopes that he can hear him. I pray that he's still alive, that he's conscious and listening.

After a while I ask Penelope if she needs anything and I go to the kitchen. I decide against coffee because if I drank it, I would throw up. I wrap my arms silently around Derek's waist and sob into his chest for a while. I don't even have to say anything, Penelope spilled the beans about my crush to him months ago. He wraps an arm around me and strokes my hair. After about five minutes, I hear JJ come into the room, and Derek speaks to her. I grip him tighter so I don't blow up at my friend.

"I thought you were going to try and get some rest."

"Everybody else is working. I should be, too."

"We can handle it."

"It's funny. I keep thinking... the one thing we need to crack this case is, uh... well, Reid."

"Yeah," I turn and walk out of the room.

"You think Reid and I should have stayed together at the barn, don't you?"

"JJ, go get some rest," Derek interrupts as I open my mouth.

"I can tell that's what you're thinking, so..." JJ ignores him, speaking to me.

"We just need to get Reid home safe," Derek interrupts me again.

"But... if I had his back like I was supposed to, he'd be here now."

"JJ what do you want from us?"

"I just... I want... someone to tell me the truth."

"The truth is one of you is here, and one of you isn't. You got to figure the rest out for yourself."

"Okay, no, fuck that. Fuck. That! Jennifer, if you had his back, he would be safe right now. He would have probably had this mostly figured out and we might be on the way to arrest him right now. Instead, you split up, so now two more people are dead and Spencer is being tortured by this bastard. He might die, and I might never get the chance to be with him!"

"Hey, shrimp, stop it. That's enough," Derek takes my arm and turns me around to face him. "Listen to me, okay? Reid is strong, I have to believe he'll survive this. You and Penelope will find where Hankle is keeping him. You'll see him again, kid, okay?"

"JJ, I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean it. I know how stubborn he is," I swallow the lump in my throat. "Splitting up was his idea, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, it was. But I shouldn't have listened to him."

"No, you shouldn't have. But Derek is right. We'll find him," I give her a weak smile and walk to Penelope. "The feed isn't back yet? Have you been able to get any closer to tracking him? I keep thinking about the things he's going through..."

"I know, honey. I'm trying to track the feed. I think I might be getting closer."

"Let me help, I have to do something. I have to keep my mind occupied, I'm going to drive myself crazy otherwise."

We work in silence as I try not to think about anything but finding Spencer. But I'm hit with roadblock after roadblock, and I keep getting more and more discouraged. Maybe we'll never find him, or we'll be too late to save him. After a while, JJ comes to talk to us.

"Any more sign of Reid?"

"Mm-mm," Penny says.

"And he just posted the latest murder online," I add. "It's had over seventeen thousand hits in the first twenty minutes."

"I want to see it," JJ says.

"No, you don't," Penelope says

"Don't tell me what I want and don't want. If I can't watch this... I have no business being in the field."

"Jayje, it's not a competition."

"I... I need to see it."

"If you stop being affected by things you... lose parts of yourself, you know."

"Show me."

"I won't watch it with you."

Penelope gets up and leaves the room. JJ and I watch the video, then Penelope comes back. Gideon follows her and she tries to shut down the website. But she can't shut it down for the same reason she can't find Spencer.

"I don't understand, why can't you shut it down?"

"Because I can't pinpoint his IP address."

"Just remove it once he sends it."

"It's the internet, sir," I interrupt. "Once something's out there, you can never take it back."

"History made. You can't undo anything. Can you please do something, anything? I do not want him thinking he has a pulpit."

"I have a list from everyone from the email chain," Penelope adds, typing quickly. "I could send out a mass warning that the video is actually a virus. I'm gonna do that, okay."

"This ends now," comes Tobias' father's voice as Reid's video starts again. "Confess your sins."

"Spencer!! Leave him alone!!" I scream as the man slaps Spencer. Even knowing he can't hear me. "Please!!"

Tobias' father pushes Spencer's chair over, causing him to have a seizure. I scream myself hoarse and choke on a sob as he stills and stops breathing. I just watched the man I love get murdered, and I couldn't save him. I never said goodbye, I never told him I loved him. I run out of the cabin and collapse on the front lawn. I dry heave for a few minutes then curl myself into the fetal position and sob. After I couldn't cry anymore, I just laid there silently and stare off into space. I think about the first time I saw Spencer, and my first day at the BAU two years ago. I think about becoming friends with him, and our lunches together. I think about going to museums with him, and Star Trek and Dr. Who conventions with him and Penny. Not being able to do those things anymore breaks my heart. Finally, I think about the last time I saw him, and everything I would have done differently if I knew then what I know now. But as I'm lying there, everyone runs out of the cabin and to the SUVs. Penelope comes over to me and offers me a hand up.

"They're going to get Spencer's body, aren't they? God, poor Diana."

"No they're not going to get his body. Spencer's alive, Nyssa."

"He's alive?! No... he's not. He... I saw him die."

"Tobias brought him back. He's alive, they're going to get him."

"Derek! Wait up!" I pull my weapon out of my ankle holster and sprint toward Derek's SUV. "I'm coming with you."

Derek knows I won't take no for an answer so he nods. He climbs behind the wheel and we drive off. Fifteen agonizing minutes later we're screeching to a halt in the front yard of a plantation house. Derek kicks the front door open and we storm the house. But it's empty. I feel my heart break all over again. I really thought we were about to find him, or Tobias Hankle. Derek puts a hand on my shoulder and steadies me as I stumble backward a little bit. He looks in my eyes, and I nod that I'm okay.

"We never thought he was in the house, but we had to clear it anyway. He's in a graveyard somewhere on the property. I know what you're thinking, but please, wait for us. We'll get him, Nyssa. I promise we'll get him. Just wait one minute, okay?"

"Let's spread out, they have to be on foot," Hotch says.

I follow Derek into the darkness, holding my weapon and my flashlight the way I've been taught. Soon enough I see the first few headstones. A few minutes later, I see him: he's standing in a hole, holding something. It doesn't take a genius to realize what's going on. That bastard Hankle is making Reid dig his own grave. A grave that someone is going to be using. It just won't be Spencer.

"If Hankle runs, he's mine. No one else. Hotch, discipline me later. But I'm not asking permission. That bastard is mine."

Surprisingly Hotch doesn't argue, but it ends up a moot point anyway. No sooner had I said that than a gunshot rings out. I scream and my heart races for a moment, but then I see Spencer stumbling toward us. I drop my gun and break into a sprint, falling to my knees next to Spencer and throwing my arms around him. He wraps an arm around my waist and holds me gently as I sob. Without thinking, I cup his cheek in my hand to turn his face up to mine and press my lips to his, softly but desperately at the same time. For a moment I panic, thinking I just ruined our entire friendship. Then he holds my face in his large hands and kisses me back. I can taste my tears and the blood from his split lip, but I don't care. I'm so relieved he's alive, that we weren't too late. Finally, I pull away and search his face for a moment before I pull him into my arms again with my face buried in his shoulder. I feel his hand cup the back of my head, and he strokes my hair and rocks me gently. I let out another soft sob of relief and he shushes me with a soft chuckle.

"Hey, it's okay. Nyssa, don't cry. I'm okay."

"Spencer... I saw you die. I never thought I'd see you again."

"I know, little girl. But I'm alive, I'm right here. The whole time I was gone, all I was thinking about was getting home to you. I had to make it so I could see you again. So I could someday work up the courage to kiss you. But I guess you beat me to it."

"I love you, Spencer Reid. I don't know when it happened. But you make me feel so important. You see me better than anyone. You don't have to say it back. I know it's crazy to say it so soon before we've even had a proper date. But it's true."

"I remember the exact moment when I fell in love with you. I've loved you for four-hundred and twenty-nine days, twelve hours, and sixteen minutes. It was your birthday party, the first one with the team. You were wearing a Tenth Doctor shirt, skinny jeans, and blue Doc Martens. Your drink of choice is Dr. Pepper and Malibu rum because you don't like Coke."

"Reid. Are you alright?" Hotch asks as he walks up.

"I knew you'd understand."

He hugs our boss tightly, then hugs JJ.

"I am so sorry," she says softly.

"It's alright. It wasn't your fault."

"Let's get you out of here," Gideon says.

I wrap my arm around his waist and start to walk away. But he stops me and I look at him curiously.

"Please... can I have a second alone?" Spencer kisses my cheek when I hesitate. "I'm okay, little girl. I promise."

"Okay, Spencer. I'll be over here."

I walk a few feet away and Spencer joins me a couple of minutes later. He takes my hand and we walk to an SUV. He climbs into one of them and I follow him. I trust Derek's driving, so I don't bother buckling up. I scoot over and lean on Spencer's shoulder. I can't stop staring at him occasionally to make sure he's real. One time he catches me though, and he kisses my forehead.

"I'm really here, little girl. You saved me. I knew Hotch would understand."

"Understand what?"

"When Hankle brought me back I quoted Genesis 23:4. 'I am a stranger and a sojourner and I am with you. Give me property, forbear a place among you that I may bury my dead out of my sight.' I was able to tell the team I was in a graveyard without him knowing."

"God, Spencer, I... I thought I lost you. I saw you die, and I ran out of the house. I didn't see Hankle bring you back."

"I know, little girl. But I'll always come home to you."

"I love you, Spencer."

"I love you, too, little girl."


End file.
